Here is a fundamental and oft overlooked truth about evolution: human beings have not evolved all that much. There has been no need.
We carry around subconscious hunter-gatherer/Neanderthal routines, but are able to suppress it with the advent of consciousness, self-awareness and rationalization. No drastic changes in our environments have called for a need to adapt, the prime factor that ushers in evolution to begin with. These antiqued routines pilot us, driving us to make the mistakes that humans often do.
Beneath the supposed human level of understanding, men still want to impregnate every woman in sight. Commitment and settling down is difficult because men must talk themselves out of being sex maniacs. Women and girls strive to destroy each other out of a subconscious need to eliminate their competition and attract mates. We grow slow and tired when it’s raining or gray out because our primal ancestors couldn’t hunt for animals or gather food in depressing weather. We are still territorial and fiercely protective of our stockpiled hordes, except instead of big rocks or carved shivs we have guns in which to shoot each other.
We are still, in essence, animals. The next evolutionary step is ridding ourselves of these primordial routines, but until drastic change calls for it, it will not happen. Read more…
New Year’s Resolutions are, at best, hollow lies. A better way to describe them would be as cheap novelty items that are obtained and quickly thrown away, or empty promises that double as gentle ribbing. “I’m going to lose weight!” says the 40-something family man. Spoiler: he doesn’t. “I’m going to stop watching porn!” beams an ambitious boyfriend, conveniently in front of the girlfriend who resents the DVDs she feels have replaced her. One month into his non-fuckfilm celibacy, the boyfriend is sneaking into his computer room late at night. “Hey, it’s just every now and then,” he assures himself.
2013 flew by so fast that I barely remember anything that happened except in the last few months, when a string of small-to-medium misfortunes collectively worsened my newly diagnosed seasonal depression. According to my psychiatrist, I’m happiest in the Spring and Summer and miserable in the Fall and Winter, which makes perfect sense. The cold and the frequently grey skies tend to dim my spirits until the climate warms up.
Starting from late September to almost year’s end, my list of complaints was petty, but nonetheless a pain in my ass. I lost my car when the serpentine belt snapped. After it sat in the shop for a week and accumulated a $ 1600 repair bill, I got to happily drive it for a week before a deer smashed into the goddamned thing during a rainy November dusk. It was the first time I’ve ever really dealt with rental car agencies, insurance company hassles, and the pain of relaying information back and forth between two separate parties. The saga ended on a bittersweet note. My insurance totaled my car but gave me a loss payout decent enough to put down on some fresher wheels.
The PC I’ve been rocking for almost five years has developed some kind of terminal hardware problem and now I must figure out how to finance a new machine to fits my needs. Really, the only ‘issues’ I dealt with at year’s end were (almost) tearful goodbyes to ‘Things’ that I’d grown attached to. Christmas and New Year’s were wonderful, if uneventful experiences, and with a straight face I will say that I ended 2013 on a higher note than 2012.
As mentioned, New Years Resolutions are bullshit, and nine days into 2014, I’ve decided to forego that traditional human comedy by stating that I will not make ‘Resolutions,’ but simply take what I’ve learned from 2013 and use it to get keener and wiser. Oh, I’ve set goals that I intend to fulfill, but to me goals are not Resolutions.
One of those goals has to do with my writing. After almost an entire lifetime of scribbling down fiction and nonfiction alike, I have decided that I, Philip Garland, need to put his (real) name out there. I will take steps to finally, finally get something published. In July I’ll be turning 30 years old, and if it isn’t past time to start aiming for my dreams, it will be soon.
I would also like to do something different with this blog.
Ever since I registered it in 2010, the blog’s been an unwavering “anything goes” deal. “Anything goes” is fine up until one finds themselves staring at a blank screen, wondering what post they could possibly write that would be of interest to anyone. I have also combed through the archives, and discovered with a heavy heart that as late as 2010 I was still embarrassing myself.
So what to do? Lately I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection and observations about the crazy world around me and the people who inhabit it. Human nature has captured my attention more than anything, and as a natural born cynic, I have come to view Earth as a beautiful place with a very silly, dark and stupid side.
Here’s what all that means: I’m still going to update this blog with shit about video games, Buffy, movies reviews and whatever else but I want to calibrate my main focus toward reality. In addition, I have decided to peruse those archives once more, except this time I’ll be nuking the really embarrassing or irrelevant shit that may or not be alienating a potentially larger audience.
That’s my stated goal for this blog in 2014. Along with my new-found interest in us crazy bipeds, I’ll most likely be talking more about myself as well.
Stay tuned. There are many days ahead.
In Batman: Arkham Asylum, the Joker often expresses dismay over Batman being a psychotic and dangerous menace. We all know Joker is a sadistic madman, and not just by his reputation within the Batman mythos. In this game, the clown leaves dead bodies all over Arkham Asylum, including his own henchmen. Who is he to call the Dark Knight a lunatic?
Ironically, the Joker has a point. He refers to a man who dons a bat costume to fight crime, an action driven by a broken and mourning heart. Night after night, Batman ventures into the city to punch and kick his way through thugs and supervillains alike, for want of relief that will never come. Read more…